Hold On To Me

 

  I am writing this blog entry exactly 10 days from our planned closing on our Panama City home...and I still don't know if we are going to make it to the closing table without any complications. Our builder will not extend our closing date & my husbands work will not give us answers. It's a really hard spot to be stuck in. We have put nearly all of our savings into the earnest money deposit and travel/moving costs associated with this move & now we are at the point of no return since the appraisal and inspections have been ordered on our home in Panama City.  It's not exactly where I thought we would be 10 days out from closing, but the answers we have needed are taking longer than expected to come. To say our faith is being tested and stretched right now is an understatement. I am laying my whole future down at Jesus feet and asking for him to make our path clear right now. Jesus be near!

I know we didn't mistake God's voice. I know we had the most amazing God-ordained encounters on our trip to Panama City when we traveled there a few weeks ago to house hunt (one day I'll write about those!). I know in my spirit that we are trying to do the right thing for our family...but I will admit that I didn't anticipate this kind of struggle. 

Today I am listening to worship music & actively surrendering every negative thought and emotion back to Jesus. I am not in control of so many aspects of my situation right now...but Jesus is.  I wanted to take this opportunity to be very real and raw about our journey because I want others to know and see that sometimes when Jesus calls you to step out in faith it doesn't always look pretty. Sometimes it looks like excruciating choices, difficult surrendering, loss of expectations and dreams, loss of control, broken hearts, and a tremendous amount of trust.  It's not easy, and it's not what I thought this transition was going to look like, but I am determined to keep seeking the path that Jesus puts in front of me. 

Here is what I know right now:

We are technically homeless at the moment (thanks Mom and Dad for the use of your basement while we wait on answers!). We sold our home and closed on Friday the 16th, and both me and Jon cried big ugly tears in the driveway of our old home and looked at each and admitted that we were scared. Our plan 5 years ago did not include selling a comfortable home that we loved in exchange for a home 1/2 the size 1,000 miles away from all of our friends and family. Nope...I didn't think that was the plan at all!

Both me and Jon have informed our employers of our intent to move. For me this means that I will need to start the job hunt as soon as possible once we land in Florida. For Jon, we thought he would continue his employment with his current employer because they had promised him a remote position. Before we left on our house hunting trip to FL we actually told Jon's employer that we were traveling to that area to buy a house and they verbally indicated that they knew and understood that was our plan. Now his employer will simply not answer our desperate pleas for them to confirm this remote position that was promised to him. They are not saying "no", but they won't provide a letter to him saying he is allowed to work remotely either. It's baffling, and they have ignored his requests for over 2 weeks now, so we don't know where this leaves us. We are both currently employed for the moment. God is our provider & I have to remind myself of that on the daily now. 

We are set to close on our FL home on July 29th. All of our worldly possessions are locked away in 2 storage units up the road while we wait on whatever comes next. The buying process has actually gone quite smooth, we are just waiting on that letter from Jon's employers stating they have promised him a fully remote position. 

Our children are having their hearts and minds prepared for this move & I fully believe with my whole heart that God has something better for them! Maya and Judah are at Church camp right now in Panama City and I do not believe that this camp happening THIS WEEK is a coincidence. God is using this trip to reveal Himself to my precious babies and show them just how strong and brave they are as they also step out in faith as we all embark on this journey together. 

No matter the outcome come July 29th...God is still good and He still has a plan for our family that is good. For now I am just asking Jesus to hold on to me while we wait for answers.