Stepping Out and Starting Over

  In the middle of the 2020 Covid Pandemic our family packed up the family cars on July 3rd, and got the heck out of MO. We drove all night to get to our favorite vacation destination in the Florida panhandle to soak up some sun, sand, ocean waves, and a little extra dose of freedom. At that time FL was opening up all their beaches and restaurants, while our land-locked Midwest prison was shutting down all of our favorite restaurants, refusing to allow gas station fountain drinks, and closing the local Wal-Mart at 8 pm. 

We decided to rent a large home on the beach and let our oldest daughter who had just been robbed of the second half of her Senior year bring 4 friends with her. Just for some extra fun, and a fuzzy layer of happy chaos, we invited my sister and her two kids to join us as well! The more the merrier, right? It was clear that all 13 people on this trip desperately needed a break from the tyranny back home when happy tears flowed at the site of an open IHOP, and the cool sip of a gas station fountain drink in a Styrofoam cup with crushed ice brought an unnecessary amount of joy and gratitude. I will still never forget falling asleep on the beach at 8:00am on the 4th of July while I listened to the sound of ocean waves and 8 giddy teenagers talking about how amazing it felt to be mask-free while they enjoyed the open beach. That's freedom my friends! That's exactly what freedom feels and sounds like.

Somewhere in the middle of that trip Jon and I found ourselves standing in the middle of the ocean one afternoon and we had a conversation that went something like:

"I could do this a lot more often than once a year"

"Yeah...me too"

"Isn't it amazing how all these kids are finally smiling and laughing for the first time in MONTHS?!"

"I'm worried that things back home will just continue to deteriorate & I never wanted that sort of thing for our kids. I want them to know this kind of freedom and simple joy way more often than once a year"

"Yeah...I know we talked about retiring here...but what about not waiting for retirement?"

"Really? Because, I've actually been thinking of ways that we could move here sooner rather than later."

"Are we actually thinking the same thing?"

"Wow...I think we are actually on the same page. Let's pray about this and ask God for some direction. Maybe this is just a 'vacation mode' dream and we will feel silly once we get back home and realize that it's not really practical to uproot our family and move 1,000 miles away"

Fast forward to one year later. Guess what? We DID actually pray about this desire to relocate to Florida, and WE ARE seeing some pretty amazing answers to those prayers! But here is the thing...we prayed about this decision and then we came to each again and said "I have a lot of peace about this decision...but now it's time to ACT on this feeling." The actual application of acting on our prayers and stepping out in faith when we HAVE NO IDEA what's next is completely new to us. 

Hebrews 11:1 says: "Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen". This is me, at 41 years old taking what feels like my very first steps. I'm shaking and a little unsure. I'm wobbly, awkward, and still clinging on to the corner of the couch (aka..."the safety of what I have always known") while I excitedly contemplate letting go and taking those first steps across the room on my own. In order to be very real and honest with you I think I should preface this "stepping out in faith" decision with you by also letting you know that I am still a little scared about this. I still have days where I think "Is this a midlife crisis thing? Are we crazy or brave? Is this the right thing...or just something I want to be the right thing?". At the end of each day I go back to that day that me and Jon were standing in the middle of the ocean having this conversation & the amazing feeling of peace that washed over both of us. That peace has never left us. We've continued to pray about this decision and we continue to act on it & somehow...that peace does not leave us! That peace is what I go back to when the world looks at this decision and only sees the "crazy".  

The first big part of our "stepping out in faith" decision came when we made the decision to sell our home. You guys, I know the housing market is crazy right now. I knew we would sell our house quickly. But, I did not expect to not even have to list my home before I could find a buyer...but that is exactly what happened! A few months ago a co-worker said he had a relative that was looking for a home in my subdivision. He said it was his wife's cousin & they were getting ready to list their home, so they had begun looking for their next home. I told him we weren't quite ready to list, but I gave him my address and I exchanged phone numbers with his relative and told them I would let them know when we were ready list. Throughout the next month I exchanged a few text messages with this potential buyer, but they sold their home May 15th, and at that time we still were not ready to list, so I figured they would just move on. On June 1st I sent her a text message letting her know we were getting ready to list the house, and I told her she was welcome to come take a look if they had not found another home yet. Two days later they looked at our home. 1 hour later they made a full price offer. I laid out what I thought were some pretty stringent restrictions on the sale of my home...and they didn't even blink! They met every single term we asked of them, and two days later the contract was signed,  and inspections were completed 5 days after that. It happened so fast that I really didn't have time to process everything when we were in the moment. 

Now I sit here knowing that in 32 days I will be homeless, and I do not yet know where I will be living next. I'm POSITIVE at least some of our friends and family think we might be crazy, and the truth is we probably are. But, I still haven't lost that peace that passes all understanding. Truth be told, I hope my kids are watching us closely right now, because what we are trying to do is model for them what we have always said that we believed. Only this time....I REALLY MEAN IT! I am 100% trusting Jesus to lead us as we take these next couple of steps in faith. I completely believe that what God has next for us is for our good and it will not harm us. I have Jeremiah 29:11 plastered on my refrigerator right now & I declare that verse over my life daily: "For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future". Amen!

So, here we are, getting ready to start over again. After 21 years of marriage, 4 kids, a few career changes, and a heck of a lot of learning in between, we are making the decision to not do what everyone else does. One of the most valuable lessons Jon and I have learned up to this point is that when we tried to emulate the lifestyles of others we don't succeed. In other words, what seems to work for others never seems to work for us. I wish life was as easy as following a formula, but it's not. This time I am choosing that path that no one else is taking because I tried the others and they didn't work for me. It's time to put my family first, and show my children what it means to follow your heart. Unlike the fairytales where "following your heart" looks romantic and full of bliss, I know that this will be hard...but worth it! 

To quote my favorite Chris Stapleton song (Starting Over) "Nobody wins afraid of losing, and the hard roads are the ones worth choosing. Some days we'll look back and smile, and hope it was worth every mile". 

Friends, here is to new beginnings, and starting over. Go out there and follow where you feel Jesus leading you...even if you feel crazy doing it!